Saturday, March 6, 2010

Five Signs To Teach Your Teen Daughter That A Guy Is Only Interested In Sex

some portions originally posted by Vanessa VanPetten on Radical Parenting

Your teen daughter is smitten with a new boy. You know in HER eyes, and HER heart, it is "love", but YOU know, or at least, suspect, in HIS heart, it could just be a case of "lust".

I am going into my second year of "boyfriends" with my eldest daughter. I rely on open communication with each of my daughters and make a point to BE HERE for each of them to speak to me, openly and honestly. Actually, we have a "contract" of sorts, to keep it real and honest.

Let's face it, some teens believe that we as parents, fell from the sky as automatic parents. We did not "live the teen years" as our children have. We miraculously bypassed adolescence and went straight into parenthood. HA! If only. It is also true, that at times, as parents, we forget that we actually DID have some of the same experiences as our teen children. Along the way, we may have forgotten just how bad a broken teen heart hurts. How the longing to be accepted and feel "normal", not rejected, weighs heavily on our teens' minds. However, as adults, we experience the same feelings at times, just on an adult level.

Don't tell me you have never felt a pang of jealousy because a colleague may have more Facebook friends than you. Perhaps you felt rejected or passed over when you didn't receive the promotion you worked so hard for. And what about the time you so wanted the co-chair position at your child's school function and did not receive it.

Different circumstances, same feelings. Our teens are experiencing these feelings for the first time and we, as parents, need to be their soft place to fall and to offer sound advice.

Here are a few tips I like to give teen girls when they start thinking about boys and dating:

1) Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Boys can be smooth talkers. One thing I try to impress upon girls (even on my 23 year-old friends) is that girls read way more into language than boys. Some boys—not all, might stretch the truth if it means they will get to hook-up with you. That is why listening to actions, is almost more important than listening to words. Does he say he cannot wait to see you, but forgets to call? Does he say that he does not care if you hook-up, but then is very physical when you see each other?

2) Learn to Read Faces

Most people actually display most of their emotions on their faces. Teen boys especially are not very good at hiding their true emotions. This can be a great way to see if he is telling the truth and how he really feels. Look at his face the instant you say ‘no’ to doing something you are uncomfortable with. Does he look sad, scared, embarrassed or worried? These are all OK emotions. If he looks angry, resentful, bored or annoyed this is not a good sign.

3) How Do His Friends Treat You

Guys always talk to their guys about sex and you. I find that if you meet his friends and they have heard about you, talk to you and take an interest in you, your guy probably shared his idea that he likes you more than just for sex. If they ignore you, make lewd comments or snicker when you come in, you might want to have a talk with one of them or your guy for what they know.

4) What Does He Remember and Talk About

If a guy remembers things about what you talk about, he is actually interested in what you have to say, not just what you have to ‘put-out.’ If he seems to take an interest in you and talks about things other than sex, you are probably with a boy who actually cares about you and not just the sex.

5) When Do You Interact

This one can be tricky, because sometimes teen boys can only interact when parents are asleep or in certain time frames. Yet, teen girls need to learn to pay attention to the interaction schedules. Are boys only calling when it is late at night or when they want to get together? Do teen boys want to go to parties with you, but not dates or spend any alone time unless you are hooking up? This can be a sign that they only want a sexual interaction.

I think these signs are important to talk to your teen daughters about, but also remember to explain to them that teen boys are also just as nervous and might be acting strange or weird because they are uncomfortable. The best policy is always to be as open and honest with your feelings and in your relationships.


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